Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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