3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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