ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
what the fuck happened to the tacos
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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