Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
