Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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