Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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