Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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