I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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