Jerry, you need to find god
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize