...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
