she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
