I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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