Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
