So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize