my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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