What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
