So drunk its hurt
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize