I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Randomize
