At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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