They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
