goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Randomize
