Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
