you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
