I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Randomize
