EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
