My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
