Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
