we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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