well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
