he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
