he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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