It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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