dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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