I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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