I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
These tits shall not be calmed
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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