Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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