I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
