She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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