left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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