She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
