I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
