highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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