Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
