You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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