I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
