Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
