I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize