it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
