sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
