I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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