Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
