They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize