I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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