Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
