I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
