Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize