I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
how drunk are you?
Several
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
