He uses pillows to masturbate.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
