my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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