I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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