She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
