i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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