I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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