its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
