Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
