Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
