that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
