I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
