I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
