Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
