ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
