My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize