I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
