I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
