Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
