hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
