I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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