So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
