She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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