having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
