smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize