I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
