Got a toothbrush?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
