I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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