Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
