I wanna bring you to show and tell
i don't like sucking hair
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
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