He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
