I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
