I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
