You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize