i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
