he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
no more duck duck goose at the bar
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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