Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
