i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
