I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
