Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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