she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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