ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
