Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
