I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I touched a dick in church today
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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