Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
Randomize
