She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
True college students do jello shots in the library
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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