Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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