Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize