I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
