I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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