I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize