fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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