He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
