if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Where is the hickey?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
