I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
