My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize